WASHINGTON—With the election less than six months away, a nationwide Gallup poll released Wednesday found that Money Man has now pulled even with Black Guy in the 2012 presidential race.
WASHINGTON—A shrieking, sweat-soaked Tom Vilsack reportedly woke in a panic Tuesday night after the U.S. Secretary of Agriculture had a horrifying nightmare that he was thrown into a shallow grave by a giant ear of corn and then buried alive.
GLEN ALLEN, VA—Local man Brett Lussier, 43, was left fatigued and out of breath Thursday after placing a particularly long lunch order at the Wendy’s franchise location on Brook Road, sources reported.
[video]
FAIRFAX, VA—National Rifle Association Executive Vice President and CEO Wayne LaPierre said Monday that somewhere around 1,000 kids would have to die in a school shooting in order for the organization to reconsider their longstanding opposition to gun control.
CHICAGO—A coalition of die-hard Cubs fans and Wrigley Field supporters introduced a drastic proposal at a Chicago city council meeting Tuesday, angrily calling for the demolition of the expensive, obsolete, 175-year-old city surrounding the beloved ballpark.
More.
“There’s no better way to pay homage to our fallen brothers than by letting it rip, hitting that ramp at full fucking blast, and flying through the sky high above the Vietnam Memorial,” said Biden, noting that he also plans to execute a midair salute by placing his fingers around his mouth in a V shape and rapidly flicking his tongue.
More.
(Via Faceless Reader #1777)
